I said I was an adult, and I will say it again. I am an adult. But, there are some aspects of being an adult that I didn't understand until just recently.
In January my Father-in-law had a heart attack. It was right before my spinal surgery, so he didn't tell us. A few weeks later we found out, but he told us he was okay.
It wasn't until his massive stroke weeks later that we found out how much his health has declined. He was diagnosed with congestive heart failure; and we didn't know until about a month and half after. As soon as we found out we moved back to Oklahoma to take care of him.
When we left Oklahoma to go to Oregon nearly a year ago I spent the six months prior to that organizing. By the end of it I was a mess. I felt like I was completely unprepared. This time, we found out about his health crisis and three days later we had sold all of our stuff that wouldn't fit in our car, left the rest with a friend, and headed back to Oklahoma. Three days. I didn't know we could do that, until we did.
Since then we have moved in with my Father-in-law, changed his diet, taken over all of his bills, and changed our lives. I am so grateful we're able to be here for him. I am grateful we're able to do this.
I never knew we could until we did.
Monday, May 16, 2016
Monday, February 22, 2016
My Medical Journey
I am only 24 years old and although I have already had a major spinal surgery, I am blessed.
It started with something silly. We were playing Ultimate Frisbee for PT. The soldier of the year and I were both going for the frisbee at full speed. He was built like a tank. We hit and he just set my back on my feet like a Raggedy Ann doll. I felt good for being plowed over by a giant. An hour or so later my neck just locked up. I was taken to the hospital by a sergeant and the nurse took some X-Rays. Nothing was broken, they sent me home with narcotics.
I had headaches for months after this, but no neck pain. I started keeping a headache diary for my doctor, which isn't as much fun as it sounds. Five months later we were leaving a friend's house when we backed into a tree going about 3 miles an hour. I don't know what happened in that moment, but a couple days later I woke up with significant neck pain. A good friend of mine drove me to the doctor while my husband was at work. He sent me to get an MRI. This is when I met my favorite Orthopedic doctor. He told me that I had a bulging disc. He said that the injury wasn't new, but that it just recently got worse.
I was sent to Physical Therapy. I wasn't a fan. The guy was weird, it was expensive and pretty time consuming. But I did the therapy and I got better. No problems.
About a year later in July of 2013, I was in a car accident. I had been cleaning at our old apartment, and I was going to Taco Bell to grab lunch. I was crossing the East bound lanes on NE 23rd street in Midwest City when I was T-boned. It was not a good experience. I couldn't afford to get an MRI, so my doc just sent me to another round of Physical Therapy. Again, I wasn't a fan, but I wanted it to work so I tried hard. I did all the stretches and exercises, but the pain kept getting worse. I didn't know if I had a serious problem or not so I tried to ignore it. I tried to keep working out, I tried to keeping going to school and working full time and slowly it just got to be too much. The pain took more out of me. I was tired a lot and didn't always want to go out. In March of 2014, I got another MRI. I went to the doc shortly after and this is when I learned I had a herniated disc, C5-6, in my neck. It had already been nearly a year.
I asked my doctors what it meant and what my options were. He suggested massage, a third round of physical therapy, rest and maybe eventually surgery. He gave me a list of things I couldn't do. This is when I was disqualified from my job in the military. My last round of physical therapy went well. I had a great therapist that catered to my needs and tried to help me get stronger. I did get stronger. I felt okay and I hoped. But then I plateaued. The pain was still there in my neck and radiating down into my right hand. The muscle spams were still there. The disappointment was back. My doc told me I needed surgery. He asked me not to fuse my vertebrae together. He said I could do what I wished but that he wanted to see me able to go back to my recreational activities that I love. After my surgery for an Artificial Disc Replacement was denied seven times through three different insurance companies (because it is considered experimental) I started researching.
I joined groups on Facebook with people like me, I asked relatives, I looked up insurance policies and clinical trials. I researched for months. I learned that the fusion patients were four times to likely to need additional spinal surgeries within four years than the artificial disc replacement patients. I learned that people in other states were getting the surgery with certain insurance companies. I learned which states, too. When I realized that we could move to Oregon and do the traveling we wished to as well as get the surgery I needed with a certain insurance company I asked my husband what he thought and he was glad to support me.
Six month laters, we had $6,000 saved and we headed out for Oregon. The first job I found after being here for less than a month offered me the insurance I needed. After I met my new doctor and got my insurance set up, we sent the paperwork to the insurance and although it was last minute, they approved it on the first go. Imagine my excitement.
Today I am two weeks post op. I have a lovely incision that will soon turn into a fading scar. What's more exciting, I have no nerve pain and very little spinal pain at all. I am a new woman. I am not strong yet, but I will be. I will not take my body for granted again. We made the right decision and I will make it worth it.
It started with something silly. We were playing Ultimate Frisbee for PT. The soldier of the year and I were both going for the frisbee at full speed. He was built like a tank. We hit and he just set my back on my feet like a Raggedy Ann doll. I felt good for being plowed over by a giant. An hour or so later my neck just locked up. I was taken to the hospital by a sergeant and the nurse took some X-Rays. Nothing was broken, they sent me home with narcotics.
I had headaches for months after this, but no neck pain. I started keeping a headache diary for my doctor, which isn't as much fun as it sounds. Five months later we were leaving a friend's house when we backed into a tree going about 3 miles an hour. I don't know what happened in that moment, but a couple days later I woke up with significant neck pain. A good friend of mine drove me to the doctor while my husband was at work. He sent me to get an MRI. This is when I met my favorite Orthopedic doctor. He told me that I had a bulging disc. He said that the injury wasn't new, but that it just recently got worse.
I was sent to Physical Therapy. I wasn't a fan. The guy was weird, it was expensive and pretty time consuming. But I did the therapy and I got better. No problems.
About a year later in July of 2013, I was in a car accident. I had been cleaning at our old apartment, and I was going to Taco Bell to grab lunch. I was crossing the East bound lanes on NE 23rd street in Midwest City when I was T-boned. It was not a good experience. I couldn't afford to get an MRI, so my doc just sent me to another round of Physical Therapy. Again, I wasn't a fan, but I wanted it to work so I tried hard. I did all the stretches and exercises, but the pain kept getting worse. I didn't know if I had a serious problem or not so I tried to ignore it. I tried to keep working out, I tried to keeping going to school and working full time and slowly it just got to be too much. The pain took more out of me. I was tired a lot and didn't always want to go out. In March of 2014, I got another MRI. I went to the doc shortly after and this is when I learned I had a herniated disc, C5-6, in my neck. It had already been nearly a year.
I asked my doctors what it meant and what my options were. He suggested massage, a third round of physical therapy, rest and maybe eventually surgery. He gave me a list of things I couldn't do. This is when I was disqualified from my job in the military. My last round of physical therapy went well. I had a great therapist that catered to my needs and tried to help me get stronger. I did get stronger. I felt okay and I hoped. But then I plateaued. The pain was still there in my neck and radiating down into my right hand. The muscle spams were still there. The disappointment was back. My doc told me I needed surgery. He asked me not to fuse my vertebrae together. He said I could do what I wished but that he wanted to see me able to go back to my recreational activities that I love. After my surgery for an Artificial Disc Replacement was denied seven times through three different insurance companies (because it is considered experimental) I started researching.
I joined groups on Facebook with people like me, I asked relatives, I looked up insurance policies and clinical trials. I researched for months. I learned that the fusion patients were four times to likely to need additional spinal surgeries within four years than the artificial disc replacement patients. I learned that people in other states were getting the surgery with certain insurance companies. I learned which states, too. When I realized that we could move to Oregon and do the traveling we wished to as well as get the surgery I needed with a certain insurance company I asked my husband what he thought and he was glad to support me.
Six month laters, we had $6,000 saved and we headed out for Oregon. The first job I found after being here for less than a month offered me the insurance I needed. After I met my new doctor and got my insurance set up, we sent the paperwork to the insurance and although it was last minute, they approved it on the first go. Imagine my excitement.
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Home sweet 'Homa
I am 24 and there are still loads of things to experience.
I love my life. Maybe I had to take some time off of school, and maybe I have a pretty crappy spinal injury that has put my life on hold but all in all I have a pretty good one.
About a year ago my really hot husband and I decided that we needed to move to Oregon from Oklahoma. We had a lot of different reason, the biggest one being that my spinal surgery wouldn't be covered by the insurance in Oklahoma. We tried multiple times to get the surgery covered under various insurance companies but we just couldn't make it work. They called the surgery experimental for someone my age. I researched night after night to find more information. I was tired of being in pain all the time. We learned that we could move to Oregon and the surgery was extremely more likely to be covered under insurance. We took six months to scrape together a few grand, sell nearly everything we owned, and say good bye to our loved ones. At the end of June 2015, we hit the road.
My husband, hadn't been very far out of Oklahoma and I hadn't been farther northwest than Colorado in my adult life. Needless to say, it was a new experience for both of us. Kansas wasn't very different. Way more windmills. Colorado wasn't either, really. We saw the Rocky Mountains off in the distance. That was exciting. It was pretty, but I had seen most of it before.
The second day caught me off guard. I had never been to Utah. I had always heard or read that it was desolate and full of Mormons. I didn't know any better. At the time, Utah was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. The cliffs hanging over the highway and the abounded towns being taken over by nature took my breath away. But it was painful, it involved way too many hours driving in separate cars with little contact. Most of Idaho we drove through the middle of the night. Idaho does have some very high speed limits though. We stopped in Boise and passed out, we didn't even know there were still mountains around us in the distance until we woke up.
Once we made it to the Columbia Gorge in Oregon on the state line on our third day, I was floored. Being near such a wide river, large mountains, and sparkling waterfalls was the perfect end to the trip. We were both in love with the scenery. Once we made it to Portland, we thought we may never leave.
Fast forward six months to today and I still think Oregon is beautiful and I still love driving over the city, but the city life has lost it's splendor. While I acknowledge the obvious beauty of this state, I miss the subtle beauty of my home state. I long for the wide open spaces and the great big Oklahoma sky. But most of all, I miss the Okies. I miss my Okies. Not just my family and friends, but also just the kind Southern people of my youth. It is so easy to feel crowded, claustrophobic and lost in the big city. Back home, even if you're lost someone will make sure you're pointed in the right direction and give you the kick in the ass you need.
I know that one day we will be home again with our families and enjoying our small town life, but until then we will appreciate what we have and try not to squander the opportunities we have been offered. Don't squander yours.
I love my life. Maybe I had to take some time off of school, and maybe I have a pretty crappy spinal injury that has put my life on hold but all in all I have a pretty good one.
About a year ago my really hot husband and I decided that we needed to move to Oregon from Oklahoma. We had a lot of different reason, the biggest one being that my spinal surgery wouldn't be covered by the insurance in Oklahoma. We tried multiple times to get the surgery covered under various insurance companies but we just couldn't make it work. They called the surgery experimental for someone my age. I researched night after night to find more information. I was tired of being in pain all the time. We learned that we could move to Oregon and the surgery was extremely more likely to be covered under insurance. We took six months to scrape together a few grand, sell nearly everything we owned, and say good bye to our loved ones. At the end of June 2015, we hit the road.
My husband, hadn't been very far out of Oklahoma and I hadn't been farther northwest than Colorado in my adult life. Needless to say, it was a new experience for both of us. Kansas wasn't very different. Way more windmills. Colorado wasn't either, really. We saw the Rocky Mountains off in the distance. That was exciting. It was pretty, but I had seen most of it before.
The second day caught me off guard. I had never been to Utah. I had always heard or read that it was desolate and full of Mormons. I didn't know any better. At the time, Utah was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. The cliffs hanging over the highway and the abounded towns being taken over by nature took my breath away. But it was painful, it involved way too many hours driving in separate cars with little contact. Most of Idaho we drove through the middle of the night. Idaho does have some very high speed limits though. We stopped in Boise and passed out, we didn't even know there were still mountains around us in the distance until we woke up.
Once we made it to the Columbia Gorge in Oregon on the state line on our third day, I was floored. Being near such a wide river, large mountains, and sparkling waterfalls was the perfect end to the trip. We were both in love with the scenery. Once we made it to Portland, we thought we may never leave.
Fast forward six months to today and I still think Oregon is beautiful and I still love driving over the city, but the city life has lost it's splendor. While I acknowledge the obvious beauty of this state, I miss the subtle beauty of my home state. I long for the wide open spaces and the great big Oklahoma sky. But most of all, I miss the Okies. I miss my Okies. Not just my family and friends, but also just the kind Southern people of my youth. It is so easy to feel crowded, claustrophobic and lost in the big city. Back home, even if you're lost someone will make sure you're pointed in the right direction and give you the kick in the ass you need.
I know that one day we will be home again with our families and enjoying our small town life, but until then we will appreciate what we have and try not to squander the opportunities we have been offered. Don't squander yours.
Saturday, December 26, 2015
So... I moved across the country.
*tap tap* Is this thing on?
Why haven't I written in so long? Well, random stranger, I'll tell you why. I suck. Yep, that's why.
Anywho...
So about 6ish months ago my husband and I moved 2000 miles from our home to Portland, Oregon. Now I gotta say, there are some things I have learned since leaving little Oklahoma. The first thing I have learned is that saying 'It's a small world' is a freaking lie. It is a giant world with shit tons of people. For real. Shit. Tons. We drove through a lot of states to get here, and Utah was beautiful but probably the most desolate. There were fewer people and quite a few little abandoned towns. Kind of creepy, but cool. The cool part was seeing the towns kind of falling apart because nature was taking back over. Kansas was the most boring. We stopped to get a post card and all the post cards had pictures of fields of sunflowers on them. That was also a lie. You know what I saw in Kansas? Corn. And Windmills. That's it. Some rolling hills. Meh.
I have also learned that nothing in Oregon can compare to the greasy amazingness that is the Braum's burger. Mmm. Getting hungry and disappointed just thinking about it. There is a lot of diversity in the greater Portland area. Mostly with food, but a little with the people. For instance, we live in a neighborhood where very few people speak English. Late at night we will go sit on our freezing back patio and listen to the Spanish music ring across the land. However, the Mexican food scene here blows. What's up with that? Meh.
The people here are more understanding. Kind of. While it is the common belief that you can say what ever you want, do whatever you want and be whomever you wish here, there is also some unkindness. For example, no one opens doors here. In Oklahoma, if you're hands are full someone will open a door and offer to carry your crap. Here, you have the right to figure out how to open the damn door yourself. Heathens. Meh.
Oregon is beautiful. I feed my soul with either family and friends, or nature. On Christmas we didn't have much family to visit, so we decided to go on a nature hike to the top of Multnomah Falls with a friend. Now, I gotta say, I definitely missed seeing my Momma, Daddy and the rest of my amazing family, but I still had a damn good view. We got to the top, cracked open a beer and toasted to the awesomeness that is Oregon. Then we got our freezing asses back down and ate at Denny's.
Oregon is different and definitely beautiful, but Oklahoma is beautiful it it's own, flat way. I think it is mostly the people in Oklahoma that make it beautiful. The way the people come together in tragedy, how you'll always find help if you're stranded in your broken down car in the middle of nowhere, or even how you can easily get a smile and encouraging words from strangers on the street.
Moral of the story, while Oregon has as abundance of beautiful nature, Oklahoma has an abundance of beautiful people. Oh, and sunsets. Oklahoma has those kick ass sunsets too.
While I am glad we're here and we have good reasons, a part of me is still back in Oklahoma. That part is probably chilling with my family enjoying the simple life. The Oregon part of me is enjoying the view while it can, even if it is a lot different.
Why haven't I written in so long? Well, random stranger, I'll tell you why. I suck. Yep, that's why.
Anywho...
So about 6ish months ago my husband and I moved 2000 miles from our home to Portland, Oregon. Now I gotta say, there are some things I have learned since leaving little Oklahoma. The first thing I have learned is that saying 'It's a small world' is a freaking lie. It is a giant world with shit tons of people. For real. Shit. Tons. We drove through a lot of states to get here, and Utah was beautiful but probably the most desolate. There were fewer people and quite a few little abandoned towns. Kind of creepy, but cool. The cool part was seeing the towns kind of falling apart because nature was taking back over. Kansas was the most boring. We stopped to get a post card and all the post cards had pictures of fields of sunflowers on them. That was also a lie. You know what I saw in Kansas? Corn. And Windmills. That's it. Some rolling hills. Meh.
I have also learned that nothing in Oregon can compare to the greasy amazingness that is the Braum's burger. Mmm. Getting hungry and disappointed just thinking about it. There is a lot of diversity in the greater Portland area. Mostly with food, but a little with the people. For instance, we live in a neighborhood where very few people speak English. Late at night we will go sit on our freezing back patio and listen to the Spanish music ring across the land. However, the Mexican food scene here blows. What's up with that? Meh.
The people here are more understanding. Kind of. While it is the common belief that you can say what ever you want, do whatever you want and be whomever you wish here, there is also some unkindness. For example, no one opens doors here. In Oklahoma, if you're hands are full someone will open a door and offer to carry your crap. Here, you have the right to figure out how to open the damn door yourself. Heathens. Meh.
Oregon is beautiful. I feed my soul with either family and friends, or nature. On Christmas we didn't have much family to visit, so we decided to go on a nature hike to the top of Multnomah Falls with a friend. Now, I gotta say, I definitely missed seeing my Momma, Daddy and the rest of my amazing family, but I still had a damn good view. We got to the top, cracked open a beer and toasted to the awesomeness that is Oregon. Then we got our freezing asses back down and ate at Denny's.
Oregon is different and definitely beautiful, but Oklahoma is beautiful it it's own, flat way. I think it is mostly the people in Oklahoma that make it beautiful. The way the people come together in tragedy, how you'll always find help if you're stranded in your broken down car in the middle of nowhere, or even how you can easily get a smile and encouraging words from strangers on the street.
Moral of the story, while Oregon has as abundance of beautiful nature, Oklahoma has an abundance of beautiful people. Oh, and sunsets. Oklahoma has those kick ass sunsets too.
While I am glad we're here and we have good reasons, a part of me is still back in Oklahoma. That part is probably chilling with my family enjoying the simple life. The Oregon part of me is enjoying the view while it can, even if it is a lot different.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
That Awkard Moment...
Why haven't I written a blog in so long? Man I suck. My bad.
Anywho....
My husband and I are not huge on going out and doing super extravagant things for holidays or anniversaries. We're both pretty happy enjoying a yummy, affordable dinner and doing something fun. The fun is the most important part. We did however, have a very interesting Valentine's Day dinner. It was actually on Friday the 13th because of course we aren't normal. It was a total blast. Collin wore jeans and a nice shirt, I wore a kick ass dress that just happens to show off 7.5 of my 9 tattoos. Needless to say, we looked hot.
We go to this nice restaurant that we have never been to and I am super excited about it. I love my burgers and beer but I don't mind getting wined and dined occasionally.
However, we did not realize we were out of our league...
I should start by saying this is the kind of restaurant we could only afford because we had a gift card.
The host that greeted us when we walked in sputtered a bit when he saw me, he was obviously gay and I didn't think I looked hot enough to turn him, but I didn't really understand why he was being an awkward little bugger. It became clear pretty quick when Mr. Hubby and I walked into a room and saw that most of our fellow diners were at least twice our age and in business suits. They were all sophisticated and high brow and shit. We sat down and I immediately looked around again with an oh-shit-I-should-have-worn-a-blazer-over-my-dress look on my face when I notice people kind of glancing over at us with shaded eyes.
I am not going to lie, the giggles my husband and I shared at the table did not help this. We were the kids at the table that kept giggling at our own attempts to look like adults. The stilettos I kept tripping over made me look taller standing, but sitting they did nothing to help the fact that my plate was despairingly close to my face. We kept pointing at everyone we saw wearing jeans. We pointed exactly twice. We groaned about how delicious the mashed potatoes were. I drank to much and started giggling louder.
What I am trying to say is that we were not helping ourselves fit in. The food was delicious, the wine was strong, and the mashed potatoes were groan worthy. We only stood out because we're bad ass, and that is what I choose to believe!
Anywho....
My husband and I are not huge on going out and doing super extravagant things for holidays or anniversaries. We're both pretty happy enjoying a yummy, affordable dinner and doing something fun. The fun is the most important part. We did however, have a very interesting Valentine's Day dinner. It was actually on Friday the 13th because of course we aren't normal. It was a total blast. Collin wore jeans and a nice shirt, I wore a kick ass dress that just happens to show off 7.5 of my 9 tattoos. Needless to say, we looked hot.
We go to this nice restaurant that we have never been to and I am super excited about it. I love my burgers and beer but I don't mind getting wined and dined occasionally.
However, we did not realize we were out of our league...
I should start by saying this is the kind of restaurant we could only afford because we had a gift card.
The host that greeted us when we walked in sputtered a bit when he saw me, he was obviously gay and I didn't think I looked hot enough to turn him, but I didn't really understand why he was being an awkward little bugger. It became clear pretty quick when Mr. Hubby and I walked into a room and saw that most of our fellow diners were at least twice our age and in business suits. They were all sophisticated and high brow and shit. We sat down and I immediately looked around again with an oh-shit-I-should-have-worn-a-blazer-over-my-dress look on my face when I notice people kind of glancing over at us with shaded eyes.
I am not going to lie, the giggles my husband and I shared at the table did not help this. We were the kids at the table that kept giggling at our own attempts to look like adults. The stilettos I kept tripping over made me look taller standing, but sitting they did nothing to help the fact that my plate was despairingly close to my face. We kept pointing at everyone we saw wearing jeans. We pointed exactly twice. We groaned about how delicious the mashed potatoes were. I drank to much and started giggling louder.
What I am trying to say is that we were not helping ourselves fit in. The food was delicious, the wine was strong, and the mashed potatoes were groan worthy. We only stood out because we're bad ass, and that is what I choose to believe!
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
My appetite and me
It is pretty well known that I am a petite woman. Now when I say petite, do not underestimate me. I mean I am pretty close to being classified under the "Dwarfism" category.
However, no matter how petite, my food intake would impress a bear preparing for hibernation.
I will gladly spend a night eating pizza or wings and drinking beer with my husband while watching Netflix or football.
So imagine my surprise when I read about the Victoria's Secret diet many of the models commit to before the show. Apparently a week and a half before the show some of them stop eating solid foods, start working out twice a day, and some don't even drink water within 12 hours of the show.
Ummm.... Excuse me? Pizza and wings are important. And BEER! Seriously?
First, understand that women, are women's worst enemies. When I go out with my husband I love to dress up and remind him that I am more than woman that spends my evenings after dinner on the couch in sweats cuddling with him. I am awesome, obviously he knows this, but reminders always help. More often than not, women dress up for other women. They dress up to look better than the other women in the room.
We all do it, but when it is broken down like that it sounds so barbaric!
But we do it because of our own insecurities. I have them. I am 4'10 and a Ginger. I definitely have them. All women do. It is almost like a mating ritual, we have insecurities so we put on tight clothes, wear weird shit on our faces also known as make up, and painful heels. Then we walk around flipping hair and shaking hips, I am pretty certain peacocks do pretty much the same thing but with a little head bobbing.
And it drives me crazy. Why? And women don't even necessarily want extra attention, but they want to know they can get it. And what is it with women and married men? It is like women feel more accomplished if they can get the attention of a married man. I have never felt that need, however since my husband and I got married he gets more attention from single women! My wedding ring is like a shield for all male contact. Which is fine, because even if it wasn't my weirdness would act as a shield on it's own. I get this weird cackle laugh thing going on that reaches pitches unknown to man.
But ladies, you have to understand that if it is a man's attention you're after you don't have to starve yourself. You can diet or not diet all day, but if you take your clothes off in front of your husband he will not complain. Moreover, remember that on your own YOU ARE ENOUGH!
Guess what! If you don't want to play the game you do not have to. Nothing will make you look like the most beautiful person in the room like a confident smile will.
So sit down, get a beer and for the love of god, eat something delicious.
However, no matter how petite, my food intake would impress a bear preparing for hibernation.
I will gladly spend a night eating pizza or wings and drinking beer with my husband while watching Netflix or football.
So imagine my surprise when I read about the Victoria's Secret diet many of the models commit to before the show. Apparently a week and a half before the show some of them stop eating solid foods, start working out twice a day, and some don't even drink water within 12 hours of the show.
Ummm.... Excuse me? Pizza and wings are important. And BEER! Seriously?
First, understand that women, are women's worst enemies. When I go out with my husband I love to dress up and remind him that I am more than woman that spends my evenings after dinner on the couch in sweats cuddling with him. I am awesome, obviously he knows this, but reminders always help. More often than not, women dress up for other women. They dress up to look better than the other women in the room.
We all do it, but when it is broken down like that it sounds so barbaric!
But we do it because of our own insecurities. I have them. I am 4'10 and a Ginger. I definitely have them. All women do. It is almost like a mating ritual, we have insecurities so we put on tight clothes, wear weird shit on our faces also known as make up, and painful heels. Then we walk around flipping hair and shaking hips, I am pretty certain peacocks do pretty much the same thing but with a little head bobbing.
And it drives me crazy. Why? And women don't even necessarily want extra attention, but they want to know they can get it. And what is it with women and married men? It is like women feel more accomplished if they can get the attention of a married man. I have never felt that need, however since my husband and I got married he gets more attention from single women! My wedding ring is like a shield for all male contact. Which is fine, because even if it wasn't my weirdness would act as a shield on it's own. I get this weird cackle laugh thing going on that reaches pitches unknown to man.
But ladies, you have to understand that if it is a man's attention you're after you don't have to starve yourself. You can diet or not diet all day, but if you take your clothes off in front of your husband he will not complain. Moreover, remember that on your own YOU ARE ENOUGH!
Guess what! If you don't want to play the game you do not have to. Nothing will make you look like the most beautiful person in the room like a confident smile will.
So sit down, get a beer and for the love of god, eat something delicious.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
I Wipe My Own Butt
For the most part I am an optimistic person.
I see myself as very young at heart, and often times naive.
A couple mornings ago (I say mornings but we're on a partially nocturnal schedules so it was just before noon) we were sitting at our kitchen table and I was all dressed up for work. My husband was in his pjs, but had made us coffee. I was reading the New York Post and drinking coffee and my husband was texting my dad. It was nice. It felt peaceful and sophisticated.
My husband looked up and grinned real big and said, "Look at us, we're like grown ups."
I looked around, we were in our house wearing our wedding rings and sipping coffee before work. All I could think was, "Shit. It's true."
Because the next step is generally kids, right? Ugh. Kids.
I mean, they're great. I love my nieces and my cousins, but I don't want one here running around, crying, and slobbering all the time. I am not ready for that. We don't even have a dog. I had a plant, it died.
While my husband and I have decided to wait, some of our family has already mentioned kids. One of my sister-in-laws has, jokingly, mentions kids to us every now and then. Of course I always giggle when she says it because I am always like, "Who me? A mom?!" The giggle is mostly to smother the panic I feel, I think.
Also, I absolutely love my job and my family, but occasionally both remind me of how awesome it is that my husband and I aren't parents yet. Every now and then kids run around in the lobby and it makes wonder how advanced humanity really is. My beautiful nieces are incredible, but when I stand there talking to my sister and one of them says, "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Look. Mom. Mom. Look." I think, "Oh, right. This is why children still terrify me."
I am sure one day when we go down that road we will be sufficient parents that will only require a year or so of extensive therapy for our children, but until then I am happy with my clean house and wine, thank you very much.
I see myself as very young at heart, and often times naive.
A couple mornings ago (I say mornings but we're on a partially nocturnal schedules so it was just before noon) we were sitting at our kitchen table and I was all dressed up for work. My husband was in his pjs, but had made us coffee. I was reading the New York Post and drinking coffee and my husband was texting my dad. It was nice. It felt peaceful and sophisticated.
My husband looked up and grinned real big and said, "Look at us, we're like grown ups."
I looked around, we were in our house wearing our wedding rings and sipping coffee before work. All I could think was, "Shit. It's true."
Because the next step is generally kids, right? Ugh. Kids.
I mean, they're great. I love my nieces and my cousins, but I don't want one here running around, crying, and slobbering all the time. I am not ready for that. We don't even have a dog. I had a plant, it died.
While my husband and I have decided to wait, some of our family has already mentioned kids. One of my sister-in-laws has, jokingly, mentions kids to us every now and then. Of course I always giggle when she says it because I am always like, "Who me? A mom?!" The giggle is mostly to smother the panic I feel, I think.
Also, I absolutely love my job and my family, but occasionally both remind me of how awesome it is that my husband and I aren't parents yet. Every now and then kids run around in the lobby and it makes wonder how advanced humanity really is. My beautiful nieces are incredible, but when I stand there talking to my sister and one of them says, "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Look. Mom. Mom. Look." I think, "Oh, right. This is why children still terrify me."
I am sure one day when we go down that road we will be sufficient parents that will only require a year or so of extensive therapy for our children, but until then I am happy with my clean house and wine, thank you very much.
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